How to Advocate When Your Child Is “Doing Fine” But Still Struggling

By: Dr. Gabrielle Baker, President & Advocate

Many parents hear the phrase “they’re doing fine” from schools and feel immediate confusion. Grades are passing. Behavior is manageable. Test scores are not alarming. But at home, you see something very different. Exhaustion after school. Meltdowns over homework. Anxiety before class. Tears that seem to come out of nowhere. This disconnect is one of the hardest places to advocate from because the struggle is real but not always visible on paper.

Schools often rely heavily on grades, standardized scores, and disciplinary data to determine whether a child needs support. The problem is that these measures do not capture effort, stress, emotional toll, or the amount of support happening behind the scenes. A child can be “doing fine” only because they are working twice as hard as their peers, masking their difficulties, or receiving significant help at home.

Advocacy starts with reframing the conversation. Instead of focusing only on outcomes like grades, bring attention to access, effort, and impact. Talk about how long homework takes, how much adult support is required, how your child feels about school, and what you are seeing emotionally and physically. These are educational data points even if they are not found in a gradebook.

Documentation is key. Keep notes about behaviors at home, emotional responses to school, sleep issues, avoidance, and stress related to academic tasks. Save emails, work samples, and observations from tutors or therapists. When patterns emerge over time, they tell a much clearer story than a single report card ever could.

It is also important to remember that schools are required to consider need, not failure. Under special education and Section 504, supports are not limited to students who are failing. They are for students whose disabilities impact access to learning. A child does not need to hit rock bottom to qualify for help.

When advocating, use language that centers on access and sustainability. Ask questions like whether your child can access the curriculum without undue stress, whether the current expectations are reasonable given their disability, and whether progress is coming at the expense of mental health. These questions shift the focus away from “fine” and toward whether the situation is appropriate and equitable.

Finally, trust your instincts. You know your child better than anyone else. If something feels off, it probably is. Advocacy is not about being difficult. It is about ensuring your child can learn in a way that is healthy, supported, and sustainable. “Doing fine” should not mean surviving school at the cost of well being.