Understanding Behavior as Communication
By: Dr. Gabrielle Baker, President & Advocate
When a child struggles at school or at home, adults often focus on what the child is doing: refusing work, shutting down, arguing, acting silly, melting down, or trying to control every detail. But in special education—and child development in general—behavior is never random. Behavior is communication, and understanding that message is the key to supporting a child effectively.
1. Behavior Meets a Need
Every behavior, both positive and challenging, serves a purpose. Children communicate through actions long before they have the emotional vocabulary, self-regulation skills, or executive functioning to express their needs verbally.
Common needs behind behavior include:
Escape (the task is too hard, too long, or overwhelming)
Attention (seeking connection, reassurance, or acknowledgment)
Access (trying to get a preferred item, comfort, or activity)
Regulation (trying to calm their body or avoid sensory overload)
Instead of asking, “Why is he acting like this?” a more helpful question is:
“What is he trying to tell us?”
2. The “Tip of the Iceberg” Model
What you see—the outward behavior—is just the tip. Below the surface may be:
Anxiety
Learning challenges
Sensory needs
Fatigue or hunger
Trauma history
Communication delays
Executive functioning difficulties
Social misunderstandings
Skill deficits in coping, problem solving, or flexibility
When we focus only on the visible behavior and overlook what lies beneath, interventions fall flat. When we address the underlying causes, behavior often improves naturally.
3. Kids Do Well When They Can
Dr. Ross Greene’s Collaborative & Proactive Solutions model reminds us:
Kids do well if they can—not if they want to.
Children aren’t choosing to fail, get in trouble, or upset adults. More often, they are:
Missing a skill
Overwhelmed by demands
Dysregulated
Unsure how to communicate their feelings
Reacting to stress or sensory overload
A skill-based lens shifts the response from punishment to support.
4. Understanding Triggers and Patterns
Behavior patterns give us important clues. Ask:
When does the behavior happen?
What was happening right before?
What demands or sensory experiences were present?
Who was involved?
What helped resolve it?
These observations guide Functional Behavior Assessments (FBAs) and Behavior Intervention Plans (BIPs), which focus on teaching replacement skills—not just stopping behaviors.
5. Teaching Skills, Not Giving Consequences
When behavior is communication, our job is to teach the child a more effective way to express their needs. That might mean helping them:
Ask for a break
Signal sensory overload
Use a calm-down strategy
Request help or clarification
Navigate transitions with support
Understand social cues
Build frustration tolerance
Use words instead of actions
Skill-building creates long-term change. Consequences alone—especially exclusionary ones—rarely do.
6. Why Understanding Behavior Matters for IEPs
If a child is struggling with behavior, the IEP team should:
Identify underlying skill deficits
Conduct an FBA if needed
Develop a supportive, proactive BIP
Ensure accommodations match the child’s needs
Adjust academic expectations if tasks are too difficult
Provide explicit instruction in coping and regulation skills
Behavior is a window into what the child needs. IDEA requires teams to consider behavioral supports whenever behavior interferes with learning.
Final Thoughts
When we shift from “What’s wrong with this child?” to “What is this child trying to communicate?” everything changes. We build connection, reduce conflict, and create learning environments where children feel understood rather than punished.
If you suspect your child’s behaviors are rooted in unmet needs or skill deficits—or if your school is responding punitively instead of supportively—the team at Education Advocates of America can help you advocate for the right evaluations, supports, and behavior plans.
